A Christmas Survival Handbook
The holiday season is truly here and while often filled with joy and merriment, can also bring about stress and challenges. I remember being in my 30’s and trying to create the perfect Christmas………….
……………It’s Sunday evening the day before Christmas and I’m sitting there with a list of 100 things to do before the big day, wrap the presents, peel the sprouts, prepare the stuffing, phone everyone I’m not going see tomorrow, go to the Carol service, wish everyone on my facebook a Happy Christmas etc, etc, etc.
Christmas morning comes round and I wake up, my husband brings me a cup of tea as always along with a special present, I can’t relax and enjoy the time with him I have to get up!! I can feel the panic rising up in me, have I done everything, have I got enough presents for everyone, do they have the same number of presents with the same value, what time do I put the turkey in, then the potatoes?
I rush around trying to get everything done, shouting at my husband occasionally that he’s not helping enough when the door bell rings………no time to panic they’re all here!!!! Everyone bundles into the small space that is my house and we spend the next couple of hours climbing over each other to get to the table, then to the sprouts at the bottom end of the table, then the toilet and because we’ve put Grandma in the corner everyone else has to move out and why didn’t I think about that earlier?…………
And so the day goes on, rushing around from one task to another, making sure everyone had exactly what they wanted either food, drink, presents or emotion. At the end of the day I collapse into a chair, with the tv on in the background I stare into the lights of the Christmas Tree, my husband thanks me for a great day and says what a success it has been. I half hear him but wonder If it had been such a great success why do I feel completely numb, shut down and exhausted as though I’d been through some great trauma.
Reflecting on that Christmas and the pressure to create perfect moments and the demands of social gatherings I can see how it takes a toll on our mental well-being. The expectations of being happy and jolly is not a reality for everyone. With this is mind I’ve taken a moment to write a list of things people may find useful in those moments where we feel overwhelmed by the size of the event and the complexity of some of the relationships we encounter at that time.
Manage Expectations:
It is easy to want and picture the best outcomes for the day. Psychology teaches us the importance of managing expectations to avoid disappointment. For instance if you have a difficult relationship with a family member realise that this isn’t going to be instantly resolved just because it’s Christmas. You don’t have to ignore your feelings around this situation, allow yourself to think ahead about how to manage this situation. Maybe going out for a walk after dinner would take the pressure off an awkward after dinner slump. Or maybe you go to a family member and instead of spending 2 days there as usual you agree to lunch and dinner and then spend some time with other friends or family to help reduce the length of time exposing yourself to a stressful situation. Be nice to yourself, it’s only you living your life and if you don’t like something try and do something else you do like. Instead of striving for a flawless celebration, embrace imperfections and focus on the longer term outcome you want and start the New Year looking at the difficult relationships with a counsellor or trusted friend to see how you can improve things for next year.
Gratitude Practice:
Take a moment to realise how you feel about this holiday season, you may find unexpectedly you feel sad, angry, anxious or disappointed and allow yourself that feeling, what you feel is ok even if it feels negative. From there it is easier to move into your gratitude practice and take a few moments each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life. This not only aligns with the inner version of you who wants all good things such as reducing stress and enhancing overall well-being.
Mindful Presence:
The practice of mindfulness, rooted in psychology, encourages being fully present in the moment. Instead of worrying about the past or future, savour the current holiday experience. You are ok at this very moment! Engage your senses, appreciate the sights, sounds, and smells around you as living in the present moment attracts positive energy and manifestations.
Set Boundaries:
We live life at a fast pace and just fitting a normal routine into December with all those other events pulling on our time we can end up doing twice as much as usual. Have November as your planning month. Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental health so decide before December starts the things you really want to go to, the people you want to spend time with, maybe it’s the school play, maybe it’s the lights switch on in town, but find the dates, book it in and stick to your diary. December can get a little crazy with all the goings on and it’s common to feel overwhelmed by social obligations. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritise the things you want to do – it’s your time on earth, only you can spend it the way you want to.
Visualisation and Manifestation:
Combine the power of visualisation with the principles of manifestation to help you. Take a moment to yourself even if it’s just whilst you’re escaping to the loo for a few moments and envision a joyful, peaceful and harmonious holiday celebration. Picture yourself enjoying the company of loved ones (even if they’re not with you) and experiencing moments of genuine happiness. By consistently visualising positive outcomes, you can enhance the likelihood of those experiences becoming a reality.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Psychology underscores the importance of self-compassion, especially during stressful times. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, you are always doing the very best you can and realise that is good enough. Even if you are feeling negative you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. If things don’t go as planned, avoid self-criticism, it’s ok to make a mistake, it’s how you respond to it. so instead acknowledge how you feel and move on quickly to focus instead on how you would do it differently next time and this allows you to grow from the experience.
So Christmas time is a time when we get to see things clearly, how you feel about something or someone. Did you like that experience, would you do it again? If like me you’ve experienced things at Christmas you didn’t like, it’s ok, you can change it for next year. Speak to a counsellor or independent trusted person who will help listen while you make sense of the things that are important to you so you can enjoy this time of year next year and start living the life that matters to you!
Merry Christmas
Colette